but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
