i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
