Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
