I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
