I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
