I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
