The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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