youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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