im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
