Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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