Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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