I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
