Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
