Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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