haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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