dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
