beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
