everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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