dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
