bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize