I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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