She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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