I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
