The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
