Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
