She's JV to your varsity
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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