Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
