There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
