forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
