you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
