Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
