Screwed.edu
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
