evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
