I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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