I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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