I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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