u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
