yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
