So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
