There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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