i just wanna soil my oats bro
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
