Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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