is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
