i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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