Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
