i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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