good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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