Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
