I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont even know how to be here
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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