Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
