did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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