there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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