So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
