bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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