I heard we made out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
