What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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