A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drake has all the answers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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