Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
