Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
