What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
