That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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