Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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