I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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