Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
