Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
