My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
