I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
