Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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