he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
