you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
